After the news of my leaving was sent through the organization on the Friday, I had a really lovely send off. I feel so lucky and blessed to have worked with and learned from such incredible people, even if the time was shorter than I anticipated. I left on really good terms with everyone that I had worked with both internally and externally, and despite all the stress and shock, I had accepted that this curve ball was just a step (albeit a difficult one) in my journey and I was feeling positive and excited for the future.
And just like that, Monday morning I was at the airport. I spent the whole weekend planning and packing for my trip, yet even though I was just about to board the plane, I kept having to pinch myself.
Am I really doing this? Yes.
Am I really doing this by myself? Yes.
As excited as I was I was nervous, anyone that knows me knows that I am not the spontaneous friend that is always going off on random adventures. I like routine and I like to plan. I booked my last holiday 4 months in advanced! Yet here I was, about to embark on what I hoped would be an eye opening trip. There was a tiny part of me that thought; what if I don’t enjoy it, what if I don’t meet anybody, what if I just feel alone? It is that same self-doubt that engulfed me when I initially found out about my redundancy; how am I going to get another job? Given how long it took me to secure my first job, I was terrified of jumping straight back into the job market, especially not really knowing what I was looking for. However, I had to squash those feelings of self-deprecation. For so many of us, we can be our own worst enemy; we can put the most amount of pressure on ourselves yet at the same time, can fill ourselves with self-doubt. It is so important to recognize these emotions and turn that self-deprecation into self-belief, as it is only ourselves who have the power to change how we feel about oneself. After all, a situation like this (in terms of being made redundant), under these circumstances is not a reflection of your abilities. You are still more than capable to do anything you want to do. The last couple weeks showed me this through the overwhelming levels of support I received from various people from different corners of my life. People have faith in me and they want me to succeed. As long as you surround yourself with great people that support you and your vision, you should never feel the need to second guess yourself or your abilities.
I wanted to use this trip as a chance to discover who else and what else is out there and to widen my perspective of the world. I got a tiny taste of this on my last trip; in Bali I met an incredible young woman, from South Africa who teaches young kids in villages where their parents don’t understand the value of education. This is small example made me realize how important it is for me to have a job that is meaningful, and fulfilling and creates impact. I’m just not sure what’s out there at the moment, but I hope to find it….